This week we are going to discuss one of the strongest emotions and motivating forces known to man – love. But as with nearly all things, the world twists the meaning and takes what God designed for good and makes it filthy and dishonorable. As we will see, the purpose of the enemy is to use this false love to hurt and destroy lives. Here is how God describes what love really is:
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Cor 13:4-7 NLT).
The Meaning of Life – Two Views:
The world says, “The meaning for life is to love and be loved.”
Gods says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:30-31).
“Why be like the (unbelievers) who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern” (Matt 6:32-33 NLT).
Notice that although God’s greatest command is to love, God says to love Him first and make living for Him your primary concern and He will provide all that you really need. In fact it was God who first recognized our need for love.
I have jokingly paraphrased Genesis 2:18 to say, “The Lord God said, 'the man shouldn’t be left alone, he needs some real help!'” But what God says in reality is enlightening. To show some of the depth of what was said in this passage here is how it is translated in the Amplified version of the Bible:
“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him” (Gen 2:18 AMP).
- Pets don’t meet the need
- Friends don’t meet the need
When God said that it is not good that man should be alone, He lets us know that He already recognized the need! This He said even before Adam is quoted as having been lonely. What did God do? He brought to him a counterpart companion that was suitable to Adam. And was Adam was pleased by God’s choice? Yes, in fact he was exstatic by it and broke out into song! We need to trust His choice for a companion for us in our lives.
In reality, the world is setting us up for failure and disillusionment. The Bible describes the world’s solutions to this love hunger within us. The Bible describes the way of the world in 1 John 2:15-17 which reads:
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”
The world’s solutions to love hunger are revealed in three ways according to this passage: 1) the lust of the flesh, 2) the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. Lust, or the desire of the flesh, makes itself known by being self-focused, impatient, and a lack of self-control which leads to promiscuity. When this lust is feed in our thoughts and unable to be satisfied it can lead to pornography or an abuse of food, drink, or even drugs to try to fill the need.
Our culture in the U.S. and other places is driven by the lust of the eyes or by desiring others based upon their appearance and physical fitness, their style, provocative clothing, and jewelry. Advertising constantly blasts images designed to feed our desires. Desiring what we see and cannot or should not have is in reality covetousness – which is idolatry according to the Bible (Col. 3:5).
Finally, the pride of life is used to attract a mate by boasting in our achievements and possessions. This is the idea that marrying someone who is well off financially or has a prestigious career can bring real happiness. Another aspect of this devalues people to mere possessions and conquests, neither of which are God’s will for our lives.
The Bible says concerning outward beauty that: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful” (1 Peter 3:3-5).
The Bible is not teaching that women should not wear jewelry, nice clothes, or braid their hair; what it is saying is that the focus of what truly makes someone beautiful is in our heart and in our spirit. In other words, God says true beauty is found in our character. I love how the Message paraphrase renders 1 Samuel 16:7, “God told Samuel, ‘Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart.’” This is true for both women and men.
This is because God recognizes, as we should that beauty is fleeting (cf. Prov 31:30) as He told the prophet Isaiah, “A voice says, "Cry out." And I said, "What shall I cry?" "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (Isa 40:6-8).
James applies this same metaphor to a man and his riches in James 1:10-11, that just like a flower in the sun it will soon wither and die. The Bible further teaches that riches take wings and are deceptive.
What God really wants is for us to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of us will marry in holiness and honor- not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways. And this also is God's will: that you never cheat in this matter by taking another man's wife because the Lord will punish you terribly for this, as we have solemnly told you before. For God has not called us to be dirty-minded and full of lust but to be holy and clean. If anyone refuses to live by these rules, he is not disobeying the rules of men but of God who gives his Holy Spirit to you (1 Thess 4:3-8).
God is not saying this because He is a ‘prude’ but rather God loves us so much that He doesn’t want to see us hurt! Marrying because of lustful passion like unbelievers do will lead to disallusionment and often times divorce. The world has taught, even Christians, a false concept of love and a false method to find love. This is exemplified by Hollywood media. How many Hollywood marriages last and are truly successful, loving relationships? The whole focus of Hollywood love is backward!
Look at what Hollywood says makes a successful relationship:
Step 1: Find the right person – they say the key to love is finding that one special person that was made just for you; so you date, you search, and you may even pray until you find that one special person.
Step 2: Fall in love – they say when you find that right person something inside of you will click and you will instantly know they are the one for you. In the movies you can fall in love with strangers more often called “love at first sight.” That is because Hollywood love is based on that “oooey gooey” feeling that makes you crazy, and causes you to do wild and impetuous things.
Step 3: Fix your hopes and dreams on that person for you future fulfillment – in the movies love trumps every other decision whether it is career, schooling, previous dreams, the love of your parents, financial stability, or ministry calling. Because the purpose of living (the meaning of life) is to love and be loved – Hollywood (and the music industry) teaches “How can I live without you?” “If I can’t have you I don’t want nobody baby.” Yet, if someone doesn’t meet those expectations or you fall out of love, drop them and fly to Seattle to meet a stranger. Which leads to:
Step 4: If Failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3 – because Hollywood’s formula naturally leads to failure in relationships we see those in the public eye of Hollywood divorcing and remarrying over and over again. We hear of illicit sex, promiscuity and divorce battles time and again. They should get a clue – that it doesn’t work as a formula for a successful marriage and relationship. At the very least the Church should get a clue.
Here is God’s prescription for lasting relationships:
Step 1: Become the right person – Joshua Harris in his book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” teaches that we first need to get our lives in order and to the place where we are the right person for the person God has for us. That is why in the Bible a man betrothed to a woman would first prepare a house then take a woman to become his wife. Too many times we are looking for love when we should be focusing on accomplishing God’s will and plan for our lives. Do you remember that God recognized the need in Adam for love and companionship and when the time was right, he brought his wife and Adam was pleased with God’s choice? Believe me; you don’t want someone that is out of God’s will for you! You will be extremely hurt by the results. We need to see relationships before we are ready for marriage as distractions to the destiny God has for us.
Step 2: Walk in love – instead of falling in love we need to learn to walk in love – the love that is described in 1 Cor. 13. See, the first responsibility for any Godly relationship does not fall upon them but first upon you. The Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you) focuses the primary responsibility for how others treat us on how we first treat them. That is why the Bible also teaches that he who wants friends, should show himself first to be friendly. Walking in love means giving the other person what he or she needs most when it is least deserved. That is how God treated us. Walking in love is much different than “falling in love.” When someone falls in love they can’t help how they feel, how they act and what they are driven to do. Why? Because falling means you have lost control but the fruit of the spirit is self-control (cf. 2 Tim. 1:7; Gal 5:23). Walking requires purpose, balance, and self-control.
Step 3: Fix your eyes and hope on Jesus and seek to please Him through your relationships – God needs to be the most important person in your life (not the person you marry or are dating). When we make our personal fulfillment the goal of every relationship it never works out. We need to break the self-centered focus of our lives. Neither can we make a flaw filled sinner the hope of our life’s fulfillment. And that is what any human is – a sinner. We must remember that the other person is always going to need forgiveness as well as you. If we focus our eyes and hope on Jesus we cannot fail. The Bible says, “Those that put their trust in Him will never be ashamed.”
Step 4: If failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3 – if we fail we must always go back to the beginning and get right. This process is called repentance and acknowledges that we have failed and that we need to change some things in our life. The beautiful thing about repentance and this humbling process is that most often it will save relationships – not destroy them. As humans we often fall into to role playing in our relationships. One person dominates while the other person is a doormat. One person is addicted and the other person enables them by being codependent. To break the cycle we must take responsibility for our actions and work on ourselves becoming godly in our character.
So what does God want us to do from this point? First of all, God wants to be trusted that He recognizes the need, in fact, He saw it long ago and He has someone in mind for you that is better than you could ever imagine if you will seek to become the person He wants you to become. In reality, unless you change and become like Christ that person will not be attracted to you.
Secondly, God wants us to learn from His word what love really is and to begin by walking in love. This is especially true if you are already married and you want your marriage to be fulfilling and happy. God places the emphasis of a godly relationship not on the other person but upon us first. I heard a message years ago called, “Changing your husband’s wife!” given to a group of ministers wives. The title could just as well be changed to “Changing your wife’s husband!” for the men. The idea is that the responsibility for a good relationship begins with you changing not on our spouses.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:1-2).
We must cease to be first concerned about the externals of our appearances as priority and become more concerned with changing our heart and pleasing God. Just as we prepare our appearance before we walk out of the door in the mornings, so we should be concerned to prepare our hearts to please God and serve others as His representatives in this world.
Does God love you? Yes, of course He does! “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: (Ps 37:4-5).
